Isolated: Espionage

I feel so awkward starting this 10th confessional, Lmfao. It’s similar to that moment where you’re walking into something with a huge elephant in the room and you’re just like... lmfao . Anyways, let’s get it started.



I don’t even know how this confessional is gonna go. I usually give a pre opt for any disclaimers. I guess my number one thing I want to say is I hope I’m not coming off as too emotional or anything. Tonight was just a lot harder than expected and I’m still trying to make sense of it; yes honestly this game did allow me to get me upset lmao. I feel like James made me feel crazy to get upset but I’m allowed to be mad that my best friend in the game was backstabbed and put next to me on the block right? I’ll get to it.

Starting with the first question its so funny to me because today and yesterday have POLAR opposite feelings. Yesterday I felt amazing. Shahbaz and Chelsia were exactly who I wanted to see go. Shahbaz brought nothing good for me to the game with the constant lying and I already feel 10x more at ease knowing he’s not running around spreading shit. I’m regards to Chelsia LMAO I mean, I was sad to see her go. Sike, I was so happy to see her head out the door. I won’t lie, I am starting to realize that I do feel empathy for people easily because I couldn’t help but see Chelsia begging for my vote and feel bad for her. I do understand I had every reason to vote her out and not trust her, but just as a person that was tough to watch her go. I’m sure she’s a great person in real life but I couldn’t have been happier to see her leave the game. Them two going was the most picture perfect ideal situation for me. I felt like I helped a play somewhat of an impact on the votes too which is good. Nothing felt sweeter too than taking away Parker’s ability to say that he swayed the votes to keep Shahbaz.



In regards to was I happy to see James win HOH. Well, lmfaoooo, not now. But when he won the HOH I actually was pretty excited. Maybe it was foolish because I felt like I was in such a good position in the game that I was covered everywhere that I didn’t even have to worry about what James was gonna do. In my head, it felt easy. I’ll even go to the extent to say that maybe in my head I was getting cocky. I never would want to vocalize that because I deliberately avoid being that kind of person. However, i do think me setting up safety everywhere for myself got to my head. I didnt think I was running the game but I felt like I was perfectly set up. In addition, with James winning in my head if we told James who was targeting him he would do that and life goes on. I honestly thought that’s what he was gonna do too because he’s so paranoid it seems like something he’d go along with. The fool I am lmao.



When Richard and Susie were first put on the block i was shocked but more than anything else I was pissed. I honest to god didn’t think he was targeting Richard. Susie didn’t surprise me because I think she’s gonna become an easy pawn in the game lmao but Richard shocked me because I expected it to be Sheila. When he explained that it made the most sense for Mega7 in my head I was like okay I guess I can see that. I was still mad that he did it but with that explanation I was like alright that could make sense; I also knew him and Richard were kinda meh, so there was no suspicions. When the POV was coming up I was like alright bet this will be easy, if Adam or anyone wins and takes somebody off he will just put up say Aisleyne or Parker. Again, reciting the point that I had no clue. Then when Adam wins POV and I go up to him, out of no where he starts telling me Richard has to go. At that point, it started to feel like a movie. In all truthfulness it was like tunnel vision because all I could think was we have to get Richard safe we have to get him safe. I was instantly dreading it and saying to myself I should’ve gone harder for the HOH. The thought of Richard going home tonight, even before me, did not feel right. I mean obviously I’d want him to go home before me, but I always felt like I was never gonna outlast him; it was all just crazy. Continuing on though, I felt like whoever the replacement was gonna be we were gonna be able to save him. I was running through all the scenarios in my head and I’m like alright let me go to James and fucking rip into him to be smart here. Never in a million years did I see James turning around and nominating me. It felt like lights on but nobodies home. To say I was caught off guard is an understatement. That’s where the feeling of it being a movie really elevated because I was like there is no way in hell that James of all people put me and Richard on the block. As soon as he said he was gonna nominate me I thought I was finished. It felt like a back door plan where no matter who went home between us two, it was a win for everyone else. I think the best way to describe it was defeating and humiliating in all honesty.



It’s not in the questions but I’ll bring it up. I think so many people are going to try and take credit for saving me and keeping me in the game. At the end of the day, I do think my efforts in my social game allowed me to stay in. I want to give myself credit for this because I make an extra effort to ask people about their lives and build that bond so I think if anything that was my saving grace. Yes people were campaigning to keep me and yes Richard was the target, but I think it didn’t flip on me because of those social connections I was able to build. I was incredibly thankful to have made It out tonight. I honestly thought I was a goner so the fact Im still here fills me with so much joy. I did not think my time in the game was up yet and I feel like I got a second chance.

Tonight’s events really shifted my game entirely. I will not lie, losing Richard was honestly the worst case scenario in my head. It was defeating having to campaign against him and it was defeating to see him go. Just on a friend level he’s the person I love talking to the most in here and I looked forward to us getting each other’s feedback on everything. I have Amanda and for that I’m so thankful but you know he’s my boy he’s a bro haha, it’s just tough to see him go and not to mention not make jury. I don’t know if the viewers hated us or liked us or didn’t care, but he really was someone I looked at genuinely as a friend and even though this is just some virtual game, it’s not easy to see him go. This sounds so damn theatrical and shit but this got me really upset and I don’t even know why LMFAO. I honestly think it was because I felt so good and safe and in such an amazing spot that the crash was intense and we landed right in the game where Richards not in it anymore. I think this may be the best thing that happens to me in the game though because this lit a fire under me. I want to win it more now than I did before and I already really wanted it. Moving forward I’m gonna portray myself so hard as the victim and this wounded puppy. I want everyone to feel bad for me feel like I’m alone. I’m gonna push the idea so hard that Richard was my rock and I’m lost without him. Truthfully I will be a little lost lmao but I want to push that idea so people feel bad and they can use me as a number. I want to get in everywhere as good as I can. My walls of sympathy have dropped slightly and im more willing to make moves. I need to do what’s best for my game and I’m here to win it, I want to win it for Richard now too.



I’m gonna wiggle myself back to where I was where everybody wants to keep me. The fact that everyone felt bad and really battled not wanting to see me go is great news. That tells me I made an emotional impact on everyone and nothings stronger than having a mental foot print in their emotions (for the good that is). I want to set myself apart because I want to be the person who doesn’t get held down to either side. I want to do what I wanted to do with Richard and that’s play the middle. I will do whatever big moves I feel necessary and most importantly, I’m done throwing competitions. No more throwing them LMAO that has constantly lead to trouble. I also need a backup #1 in the event that Amanda gets evicted, preferably one I can go to with things and they give me good responses.

Now let’s run through all my social connections rankings

#1 Amanda: I honestly don’t think I would’ve been able to make it past tonight without her. I say that in the sense that she is my rock and she is a huge blanket of trust and comfort. She will probably advocate she’s the reason I’m still in but I don’t think that’s the case. Either way, I still love her to death and she is my ride or die right now. The only bright side of tonight is now I don’t have to choose between her and Richard. The fact that it’s a fucking final 3 btw pisses me so hard because the triple threat alliance really couldve pulled it out again.



#2 Spiral: I think I’m gonna work on spiral being my new backup #1. Him and I have a good bond and look he may have threw me under the bus when Chelsia was around, but I’m gonna try so hard to pull him to my side. I think that I can make him really trust me and keep me around so I’m gonna pry on that. Spiral I need you to become my new main man.

#3 Sezer: He has constantly been trustworthy to me and I think he has full trust in me. Sezer has been one person who has never given me any reason to doubt and he’s had my back consecutively. Again, he’s not my ideal ally because I feel like he doesn’t give a lot of information, but I still trust him a hell of a lot more than others.

#4 Adam: Even though I’m fuming for the role he played in taking out Richard and getting me on the block, I don’t hold a lot of resentment towards him. I put all of the blame on James because I do honestly feel Adam never had bad intentions with me. He seems very genuine and honestly a kind dude, so I’m not mad. I think he still chooses me and Amanda over anyone else any day, so I’m gonna cling to that. Maybe I’ll start sculpting Adam in my backup #1 mold who knows.

#5 Sheila: We don’t talk a whole lot but it’s that continuous mutual understand if we got each other. She’s really funny and there’s no way I see her targeting me. Plus, I think we can bond over James putting us up/about to put us up.

#6 Jen: She hasn’t given me any reason to not trust her. I think she’s just too paranoid and crazy which is hard to work with. However, I know she’s a genuine girl and she would never lie in this game and that I really trust. I know I can take her word to be 100% with me and im gonna use that to my advantage. I do think she’s a sweet girl and I would want to work with her more but she’s too tied to other people.

#7 Jennie: I sadly lost a lot of trust in her since my last diary room. I think she’s way too attached to the other side and she’s too close to Amanda and not close enough to me. I feel like I’ve given her enough reason to trust me but clearly it’s not there for her. I do still trust her enough, but after I heard she was possibly gonna flip on me according to Sezer that just did it in for me. Jennie I hope you can come around and live up to that potential I have for you and I.



#8 Aisleyne: She honestly changes every time. Sometimes I really don’t trust her other times I feel like I can spill my whole game to her. Tonight, showing how emotional she was and that clear attachment she’s shown she has to
me, told me that I can trust her enough. I need to keep figuring her out because I don’t feel comfortable to tell her anything after these new revelations about her possibly telling Parker I called him fake and shit. However, I’m not cutting that line.

#9 James: Hes full of shit no doubt. I’m furious with him because I hate that mentality where he’s like I wish you just appreciated it as a game move. Yes this is a game but every decision has emotional repercussions. I’m upset that you did that and sorry that pisses you off and that I’m not gonna kiss your ass for it. If you’re gonna backstab me and then coming to me wanting to be an alliance, you bet I’m gonna tell you what I’m thinking. Other than his shit show performance tonight, I do want to keep working on something with him. Moral of the story, he’s alone as much as me and I need to use that. I cant burn any bridges and I can’t hold grudges. I don’t trust him with anything but I’ll make it seem like I do.



#10 Susie: Pretty indifferent about her. This doesn’t mean I want to target her but we just have no bond. In a turn of events I’d rather see Susie stay over a lot of people.

#11 Parker: I still think he’s the shadiest person in the game. He has everyone wrapped around his finger and I KNOW he sees right through my bullshit with him. He’s a smart guy he’s got all these science credentials and shit I know he knows I’m lying to him. I’m hoping he can respond to me being sad about this vote and try to help me in the game. I think the one thing Parker can be manipulated by is emotions so I’m gonna use that on him. Then, when I get the chance, I’m striking and taking him out.

I also want to get the chance to quickly say my thoughts about Chelsia goodbye statements to me. It made me question spiral but I’m not gonna focus on it because there’s no point. She could be telling the truth but it doesn’t feel important to me. I’m glad she did tell me all of this because I was able to lie and skew it to my advantage against Parker and Jennie.

All in all today was really sucky. I think the move James made didn’t make sense and will cost his game. Sure it was a big move and if he makes it to the end will it be a nice thing on his resume, definitley. However, it’s because he made this move he won’t make it to the end. It was foolish, narrow minded, and he doesn’t realize the repercussions of not taking out someone who deeply want him gone. I need to dust myself off and get my head back into the arena. This definitely knocked me down but I’m not out yet. To my boy Richard, I hope he knows how much I appreciate him and for being more than just an ally but a friend to me in a setting that I’m extremely unfamiliar with. My bro, my fellow Pokemon nerd, im pretty sure he's the history buff, I cant wait to catch him outside the game. Goodbye for now friend



All of that aside, I guess I’ll talk again after my game hopefully gets back on a positive trajectory.

I really am not sure how people just post their thoughts at random times lmao I like that I get it all out in one post you know lmao

This is gonna be one of my smaller confessionals but I just wanted to talk about what I want to do in the game moving forward. I feel like I had to do a lot of rearranging in my game after last eviction but I feel cautiously optimistic about the future.

The number one thing I NEED to happen this week is I NEED Parker to go home. Firstly, I have been trying to get people to start targeting Parker for weeks now. I have seen through his social game act since the first day I met him. For some reason, everyone continues to really trust him and want to keep him around. It’s that social game that he does that makes everyone think that Parker can actually benefit them. I know Parker has practically zero loyalty to me and that’s fine but I have to turn the vote around on him. Keeping Aisleyne is my number one goal this week. I understand that Aisleyne probably made no effort to keep me and was ready to vote me out against Richard, hence when I asked her for her vote she took 15 minutes to respond. However, Ais does not propose the same target Parker has. Parker is extremely tight with Jennie and I think he is just as close to Spiral. If I can sever that link and make them more dependent on me then that is what I am gonna do. In addition, saving Aisleyne will make her trust me more and we will not have this weird block in between us in the form of Parker that I thought was always there ever since the me calling him fake incident. I just need Aisleyne to stay so I have somebody else I feel like having my back.



I have been campaigning to Adam all day today and last night that Parker and Ais have to be the nominees. Im hoping that it made some impact on his thought process and he stays true to what he says and he nominates them. The one thing that can’t happen is Parker wins the POV and takes himself off or anyone takes Parker off to replace it with Jen. I think Jen truly would never vote me off which is incredible and I am going to use that to the best of my abilities. I do not want to be forced to vote against her. I know I have said in recent confessionals that I dont trust Aisleyne and I won’t go out of my way to say that I think she is super trustworthy, but she is 100% beneficial to my game because she needs numbers therefore she needs me. The number one way to ensure Parker goes if I make sure Sezer, Jennie, Jen, and Amanda all vote to keep her. Jen seems adamant about keeping her so she will do it easily. Amanda will do whatever so I think if I told her im voting out Parker she would go along with it. The harder people to flip are going to be Jennie and Sezer. I have said since the start of this game that Sezers attachment to James was going to hurt me and it already is, but I think I can guilt him into voting with me. I think I will try to play off the fact James backstabbed me and he’s unhinged, willing to shoot at anyone at anytime. Jennie on the other hand is incredibly close to Parker but I also feel like if the majority of people she trusts is leaning towards taking him out then she might do it. I also think there is a chance I can rope Sheila into voting to keep Aisleyne too so there is a few different approachable avenues.

In extreme hopes that Parker is the one who gets evicted next, I am gunning for Adam next. I know Adam does not have my best interest at heart and I know he does not want to bring me to the end. I think as far as Mega7 goes I’m at the bottom of it for him and not to mention he’s a ginormous threat who has to go. If I were HOH next I would either nominate him and James, or James and susie most likely. In regards to James he feels very disposable. Im kinda telling everyone including him what they want to hear me say. Ill tell everyone I hate him and he hurt me so deeply but honestly I am over it at this point. I needed the night to get mad but now I see it as a great tool to emotionally get people on my side. Then ill go to James and tell him everything he wants me to say (aka kiss his ass) so he feels more settled about me. From this point if Adam goes next, I am gonna see where I am in the game at that point but I am hoping I will be positioned well. Honestly, if Adam and James could leave back to back that would be ideal.



I also wanted to make one quick note about Amanda. Coming into this game I already knew that if I really bonded with someone I would not be capable of voting them out. When I bonded with Richard and Amanda I was already planning how I would go about it in the end where only one of them could go with me. However, now its just Amanda which makes it a lot easier. Yet, on the flip side, Amanda definitely poses a bigger threat in the game than I thought Richard did. Socially, she has numerous connections and she really is not afraid to get blood on her hands. I am not sure how people do not see her as a threat yet or maybe they have not mentioned it to me. However, the longer she stays the more I am starting to get a little intimidated by her which Is not great. I do not think she is doing as much as she would like to believe she has done but that is not to take away from the fact that she did make an impact on the game. I am not here to sit and watch I really want to get my hands dirty.



I am really trying to start thinking end game and while I do have some things I can draw at during my case in the finale, I really want to be able to bring that resume up. If I can get Ais to stay this week and send Parker packing, then be able to send out Adam next week that would be huge. I am just hoping thats how it goes down.