This is my twelfth confessional I think and I’m feeling stoked so I’m ready to get into it.
I’m gonna answer the questions out of order because I feel like it will be easier to walk you through the night that way. That’s all i got to say before hand lol
Starting with the second question and the vote tonight let’s just say I am feeling STOKED.
I try to say this in all humbleness but this week could have not worked out better for me. I wanted Parker and Aisleyne on the block because it ensured that Aisleyne would lose trust with whoever was against her and start to trust me more. Then I knew I had to make sure Parker went out the door because everyone loved him and he was the most dangerous social threat in the game. The week started with Adams nominations and he was jumping around between a few people but all I KNEW is that I had to get him to put Parker up. I don’t think I drove the decision of Parker and Aisleyne for him because he was already considering doing that but I DO think that I really helped get him to that point by emphasizing that if Parker won he would take Aisleyne off the block.
From here once they were nominated, I needed three things to happen. Step one, start building mistrust between Aisleyne and the cast and pledge my allegiance to her. I was afraid that in the event Parker won POV and she ended up on the block against someone I didn’t want I’d have to go against my word but thankfully I didn’t. I knew that if I constantly was campaigning for her and keeping her aware of what was going on, it would have a HUGE payoff if she managed to stay because it would build so much trust with us two. The other thing I had to do was ensure that people felt comfortable voting for her to stay and rally those numbers. The last thing I needed was Parker to not win POV but I wasn’t even selected to play and I really can’t do anything to prevent that. Last night I was trying my best to talk to Sheila and Sezer even though Sezer kept shutting me down but I’ll get to that later. Then today I felt nervous that Sezer wasn’t gonna flip with us so I wanted to make sure that when Susie and I would talk, I would try to make any magic happen with her to get her to vote with us. Then best case scenario happens, Parker doesn’t win POV and Susie tells me she’s gonna vote to keep Aisleyne.
I feel on cloud 9 at this point because I’m like we have the votes we are set. Then I realize, Jen who was imperative to this vote, was not active and without her vote this plan would not work.
I then go into overdrive talking to Sezer but he wouldn’t respond. I’m really getting frustrated with people getting paranoid and flipping their vote that’s what Susie did against Sheila and if Sezer didn’t mess up his vote he would’ve done the same against Aisleyne. When Sezer wasn’t responding i then come to find out that Adam is telling Amanda that susies vote is locked against Aisleyne. It’s at this point where my entire mood switches and I’m confident my effort to get Parker out was gonna go to waste. I wasn’t sure how much I could bank on Susies vote especially since Adam was saying he had Susie on lock and they’ve been inseparable. I start to lose hope and then the votes come out and i see only 7 people voted so I realize then and there someone else messed up in addition to Jen not voting. The vote goes 3-3 and my heart is pounding I’m just as nervous for this vote as I was for my own and I reveal the next vote and it was PARKERS.
The excitement I felt when it was Parker and I realized that the plan really worked was insurmountable. Up to this point in the game, I feel like I have built these strong social connections and I could have some arguments to make in the final jury but nothing strong enough to garner a win. Up to this point in the game, I don’t feel like ive done anything super remarkable in terms of getting someone out as I have not won anything and I knew coming into this week this was my once chance to shine. I’m not gonna take FULL credit of the Parker move because granted, I am not the one who nominated him. The HOH takes credit for that but I truly feel like that’s not to dismiss what I’ve done this week. Adam and most of the cast wanted Ais gone and I worked overtime to gather those votes to keep her and get Parker packing.
I have wanted him gone for weeks now because I knew I couldnt trust him and that next to Adam he was playing a great game. He had the social game and the determination as he almost flipped the Sheila vote as well; all the reasons to make it to the end and win. I also knew that if Parker were to get eliminated that Jennie and Spiral would both feel instantly closer to me because we wouldn’t have Parker in between each of our relationships; since I knew they prefer Parker over me. Dude, when Spiral came up to me after Parker got out and said I guess you’re my new number one now I have never felt more excitement.
It was just executed perfectly with votes against Aisleyne making her doubt so many people in the cast and feeling more indebted to me, to having people feel like they are more dependent on me. I by no means am trying to sound cocky but this was truly the best thing that could’ve happen and I feel like this week i really took a grip on the wheel of my game.
Im gonna come back to my game in a second when I answer question 3 but first I want to talk about another question, the HOH question (question 1). I didn’t really think anything crazy happened from this competition I felt like everyone was just kinda going for whoever so it didn’t make it look like they were targeting a specific person. Three things I did want to note though that I thought were funny or are notable were for starters, James being the one who took me out. I’m telling you I feel like the story of me and James’s relationship this season will be him constantly taking a fat shit on me lmfao.
It would only be fitting in a truly ironic fashion that of all people to eliminate me in that challenge, it would be James. I’m not mad about it I just find it funny. The second thing I want to note is how everyone started coming for him back to back. It was honestly nice to see him get some karma.
Third, of course dude the first person I target in the challenge Susie wins the whole thing. I’m cautiously hoping that she did not view that as me targeting her in the game. Susie winning the HOH was admittedly the second worst case scenario. James winning was by far the worst case because I had no idea what he would do and it just seemed like a crap shoot. However, Susie is also not great because she really can do anything or shoot at anyone.
For starters, she isn’t nominating Adam who is the biggest threat of the game right now which sucks. That makes everyone feel nervous because we all feel like we’re in that same pool of people who don’t stand out as threats. Also, other than James, no ones does anything to necessarily screw her over. If she wants to target and get James out this week I’m all for it but I’m not gonna push any ideas onto Susie because we don’t have that bond and all I want is for her not to nominate me.
As the game starts moving towards the end which is crazy and sad to think about that it’s almost over, I know my social and strategic game will be more important than ever to get there. All season, I have been advocating that my social game is my strong attribute and this remains true to this day. I think I have the trust of Amanda (obviously), Aisleyne, Jen, Sheila, Spiral, Sezer (maybe), and a hopeful guess with Jennie.
These evictions from now on are gonna be INCREDIBLY important to have every last vote. You need to be fleshing out bonds as hard as you can because if you don’t have all the love from everyone around you, you won’t be able to last. The strategic game I’m trying to flex a little more too because I still need to build a case for me to utilize in my final speech.
My next move to impress the jury right now is taking Adam out. However, that doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen so it’s getting James out ideally next. James is too much of a wildcard and someone being a shield doesn’t mean anything to me anymore when it’s about having strong social connections at this point. From here, I’m not really sure who will be the ideal target but I’ll decide later when it comes time.
Alright time for the final part of my diary rooms my social connection rankings:
#1 Amanda: Number one is Amanda it will always be Amanda. I am fiercely loyal if you get in this slot and even though Amanda might be threatening, I can’t take her out. It’s my goal now to outplay her so if we do make it to the end my jury case is better than hers.
#2 Spiral: Exactly what I wanted to happen, happened. I think Spiral and I will continue to build our relationship and he will never want to blindside me. I think I found a new Richard and he found a new Parker as he claims. As long as he doesn’t try making any bonds with James this will be incredibly beneficial.
#3 Aisleyne: My girl Aisleyne made it out of this week and I know she doesn’t want to see me go. Getting Parker out was great because now I don’t feel nervous about a potential bond she has with him and we can just focus on us two. I think she feels indebted to me for helping her so much so I know that trust is there. She is a little threatening but I need her right now because I need a strong trust support system.
#4 Sheila: Sheila has not missed me for this game yet other than when she took me out of the first HOH lmfaoo. She pulled through with the vote tonight and I think she has a lot of trust with me. We’re in a great state in our relationship right now.
#5 Jen: I’m extremely pissed she wasn’t active tonight as it almost cost us the entire vote. However, I’m very positive she would have voted with us and it worked out anyways so it’s okay. I know she is viewed as an easy pawn but I don’t think she has the desire to backstab me so I really have a lot of trust for her.
#6 Jennie: Look, I love Jennie, but I just don’t think I can trust her so much right now. She doesn’t talk enough game and I don’t know where her head is at. That being said, one of her best allies went home and I know she still trusts me, so I’m hoping to fill the role that Parker was playing for her. Once she proves I can trust her I will but for now I’m still going to be hesitant.
#7 Sezer: What is this guy doing man. I keep saying that I know James’s relationship with Sezer is gonna be the death of me and I feel it still to this day ever since I said it way back at the start of the game. His vote tonight made me lose an insane amount of trust in him. He is too wishy washy. I really don’t like that he didn’t vote with me and i didn’t like that he didn’t tell me and I REALLY don’t like that he was so easy to flip. I cant play with players who flip last minute like he did because they are paranoid. I still trust him and I won’t show any mistrust to him but it definitely made me view him differently.
#8 Susie: Susie if you’re reading this as HOH I really trust you lmfao. For everyone else, yeah Susie is scary man. She’s a loose canon and after the vote where she flipped on him I don’t know how to feel. On one hand i say to myself great, she’s not Adams lap dog! On the other hand I’m like shit, she’s also extremely wishy washy and will do whatever as she already flipped on Adam. I really will have to butter her up and say what I need to say so I stay off the block this week; even if that means proposing a deal or an alliance. I still want her gone though but I just don’t view her as threatening as the last two.
#8 James: I’m sick of James lmfao. I don’t know what game he is trying to play with me I feel like he’s trying to make me look like a fool. That crazy made up alliance between me, Parker, Richard, and spiral that he told Amanda about thinking it was real, what was that? For someone who wants to build trust with me you seem to be spreading a lot of mistrust about me. As a person, I do find james funny but in the game I can’t do it. He’s impulsive, an extremely strategist, and too paranoid for my liking. He’s a threat and if I can do my best he’s going this week.
#9 Adam: I promise when I say I do find it disheartening to put him this low. I feel like he does really trust me and I do find him to be a great guy. I have no more of a reason to trust him less than I do Sezer, as Sezer has done more wrong for me I feel like. However, he is without a doubt the biggest threat and he needs to go. I will do everything in my power to get him eliminated because he cannot make it to the end. Hes strategic and he’s physical but he’s missing the social aspect and I’m gonna focus on that and make sure that’s the reason he’s sent packing. I’m sorry Adam lmfao I hope you don’t take it the wrong way if I am able to get you out before me.
Either way tonight was an amazing night. Tonight and even the bad nights make me feel happy to be in this game and I’m honestly having so much fun. It’s just a really great experience and I feel grateful to have been casted when I know I may not be the most promising character. Tonight was the first step to my road to victory and I really hope I can make it.
Other than that, I’ll catch you guys with another confessional soon