Alright Day 5 confessional on a new page,
I was too exhausted to write my daily confeSsional so this will go for yesterday.
I just wanted to start off by saying that I got really annoyed with myself yesterday lmaoo. I feel like I was being annoying with other people I’m not sure. I also want to emphasize the fact that I’m not trying to be funny when i have stupid moments. I genuinely say stupid shit to people and don’t realize until after I sent it how dumb I sound. Those are two quick notes I wanted to make before I got into my diary room.
To answer the questions given I’m not sad at all to see Ryan and Renny go. It’s funny that happened actually because I woke up yesterday and wondered back to how I remembered at some point along the application process that if you’re inactive for too many days you get pUlled; it made me wonder if that would happen to Ryan and Renny. Although, like I Said, I’m not sad at all we built no bond so there’s nothing to be upset about. I’m more sad to see them both go because one of them could’ve been an easy pawn to put up. I’m also bummed solely because I loved Renny on her season and I wish that energy could’ve been brought to Isolated. Spiral was gonna be safe I’m 99% percent sure regardless if the vote happened or not so I’m feeling pretty indifferent about him staying. Shahbaz is perseverant let me tell you he does campaign when he can. I have gotten to the point where I’m not gonna completely cut contact with him because you never know but I am also adamant at not building a super strong bond. If he can maneuver his way out from the bottom to the top id be extremely impressed.
Finally, I think I performed terribly in the HOH competition. Im truly so bad at these technical competitions that require proficiency In these forums that I am severely lacking. I tried practicing yesterday when I had freE time but I am not entirely sure what I am doing wrong. I think I have to accept the fact that I am not gonna win any competitioNs that are like this and have to hope I can pull out a lucky win or some sort of social competition win.
Onto my connections with evEryone lets start with the members of group B
Natalie and Jen I have talked to the least. I think they both work on these weird time scheDules so no one is able to really get to talk to them except for obscure parts of the day. For example Jen texted me around 8 am today and I was fast asleep lmao. Jen also said to me that they found her dead friend in a tent and I was not entirely sure how to process that. I couldn’t tell if that was some weird form of humor to start the conversation or that genuinely happened, it was intereSting. Natalie also right off the bat asked me about this Adam situation from the very first HOH. That thing is still looming over me even though I barely had a second thought to it lmao. Ill talk about that more when I get to Adam but moral of the story when it came to Natalie it was a weird way to start the conversation. I like her she seems to be nice but we haven’t Talked enough to form an opiniOn.
I have really tried to make an extra effort to reach out to Grace and try to create some sort of bond there. I’ve asked her about herself and I’ve asked her about the game but she seems really closed off. If she truly is alone I’m not sure why she wouldn’t be hopping at the opportunity to keep fostering this relationship with me. Maybe it’s because it’s me and there’s other people she’s already developed a great bond with from Group A but I’m not sure. Considering some people from Group A don’t speak unless spoken to i cant imagine she’s fleshed out that many bonds. I also made a note that Grace could most definitely have won the spy so I have been trying to get in her GOod graces.
Spiral seems like a cool dude but our conversations have been very minimal. He’s not super active either I feel like I can only catch him at certain parts of the day and when we do text we’re not really bonding off of anything. This also newly fleshed out news that him and Jennie are the couple seems to be very random. Everyone is just making the assessment solely because they are close in age. You could make the argument that Spiral and Amanda are the couple if that’s the case because they are the same age too. They live in completely different parts of the US too which doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. At the end of the day if it’s spiral and Jennie oh well they are on nobodies radar so I don’t think it’s a huge deal.
Shahbaz as I said earlier is truly very persistent. I think he’s given up on trying to make a bond with me which I don’t blame him I feel like I’ve been an ass not responding. Although, I thought for sure he was a goner so I saw no benefit in starting a discussion with him. Especially because I did not like how deflected off himself immediately when we started talking and how he was already campaigning. Best case scenario is that he goes home this week especially considering how low in numbers group A is. Im afraid they will just try to take us out.
Susie is the person I am feeling the most unsettled about in the game. I just find it really weird how it seems like everyone from group B is willing to protect her with their life. They keep advocating how great she is but honestly I didnt think she was ALL that. Yesterday she seemed a little more nicer and approachable but in comparison to people like Jennie and Richard who I found to be incredibly nice, I am just wondering where everyones judgement level of niceness starts and ends lmfao. I don’t think there’s any outright threats in the bunch but I will say that if we had to pick somebody who stands out a little more than the rest it’s Susie. Shes got a good handle on the game so far and she has portrayed herself to be very outspoken and not to be crossed with. If the intimidation factor is what she’s gonna use to project herself to the end of the game I can assure everyone that won’t last long with me or anybody in the cast and people will get annoyed quickly.
Parker long story story short seems fake lmao. To put it bluntly I’m just not sure of his personality is authentic and what he’s just doing to be a people pleaser. He’s the type of guy that seems so nice and outgoing but also like he will lie easily to your face. He’s brilliant without a doubt he has more credentials for a CEO job than anyone else here lmfao. You would think he’s a Harvard graduate based off all the things he’s done and how smart he is. I’m starting to get nervous if we let him go to far he will dominate shit. He’s brilliant and he’s a good talker and I’m sure he can rope anyone in he wants to. I’m gonna keep feeding into him so he can trust me or at least think I’m of use to him so he doesn’t target me. He’s also the only one I think I can get information from on that side so I have to keep up this bond. Eventually though I want to cut him and I want to do it sooner rather than later.
Pete has kinda fallen off for me as time has gone on for people I think I can trust. I have not expected one person from Group B to fully open up to me game wise (personal is a little different) so when Pete acts like he’s this super open book and he will tell me anything yet has consistently been hesitant to share things when I ask is funny lmfaoo. When I asked him who he vibed with he said everyone idk and when I called him out on it that’s when he gave me specific names. I think he wants to come off as this chill guy whos cool with anyone but I think it’s also apparently obvious he’s a gamer and every conversation he has is very strategic. Also he already lied to Amanda about not being in the boys alliance and even though he claims it wasn’t really an alliance, I just think he’s trying to lie too much lmao. If he was just straight up and wasn’t saying he was this open book I wouldn’t think anything of it but I think he’s trying really hard to portray himself as something he isn’t so people don’t look at him as a threat. Hey who knows I’m kinda doing the same thing so I can’t fully judge lmao. But in terms of players who give me bad energy by doing that he’s one of them. Like Parker I’m gonna keep feeding into him and see where that takes me.
Aisleyne so far seems like the most promising from group B in a turn of events. Even though our first conversation was pretty bad it’s gotten better. She opened up to me a little and has given me more to work with in terms of where her head is at. Not to mention that we solidified a sort of trust deal between each other. She also has made a bond with Amanda who as we know is my girl so that makes me feel better. I’m not entirely sure yet what to make of Aisleyne but right not it’s on a positive trajectory so I’m hopeful.
Lastly we have Chelsia who destroyed all of us in the HOH competition. I mean there’s not much to say about her other than she deserved it. By the time I saw what the category was when refreshing the page she had already won it. In terms of our relationship I’m hoping that’s it’s good. I wasn’t stoked she won HOH I’ll admit. Next to Shah she was probably the last person I wanted to win it. I’m trying to remain positive she’s not gonna nominate me but for some reason all day I have been getting this terrible vibe that she’s going to nominate me. One of the things I was getting annoyed with about myself last night is how paranoid I was getting. After hearing all these questions about Adam it felt like people were gonna see me as an easy nomination and just throw me up there. In addition, when people from Group B were asking if I was nervous such as Spiral or Shah my mind immediately went into hyperactive mode and was thinking oh shit these people know something I don’t. I don’t know why she would nominate me seeing as I haven’t done anything, right... lmao. I also found it weird that she immediately told me I was safe without me even asking; it made me think she was just trying to get me to be quiet so I didn’t campaign. Although, I was also thinking maybe our conversation where I was asking about her really helped. I kept asking her about her life and I think people really like when you show an avid interest about them. Not to mention she did reach out to me for help on the secret code that is in these questions for the diary room. Overral I’ll say that I’m trying to be hopeful and I am hopeful that Chelsia is honest and she isn’t gonna nominate me, but I won’t be completely shocked if she did. I’ll be more shocked that she lied and didn’t more than the actual shock of being nominated.
As for all my group A members theres still not much to report on anyone
The Adam situation as I mentioned has really begun to bother me. He feels like a pain now because every time I hear someone ask me about him I instantly am thinking this stupid fight between him and I is being brought up again and it’s gonna be the end. This paranoia all set in when Natalie asked Richard about this fight so that’s why it’s been on my mind so much lmfao. I’m glad Adam is an easy scapegoat for me to use as a person I say I don’t trust to build trust with other people. That’s because I feel like if it got back to him and he asked me about it I could say that I’m continuing the narrative of us not getting along since first HOH. I also no longer think Adam and Sheila are the couple but I am thinking Adam is 1/2 of the couple with somebody but I don’t know who.
Speaking about Sheila, I’m not gonna lie the girl has grown on me a lot. We had an awkward conversation late last night lmfao but other than that she has really grown on me and I think I’m starting to really trust her. By no means is she my number one but she has shown me kindness and her personality is starting to show through. When I start to notice people are comfortable around me that tells me they like being around me or working with me so therefore there is a mutual trust between us. I don’t know where our relationship is gonna go but I am happy to report that since my first diary room where I wanted her gone, we have done a complete 180 and I really like having her around. Especially because I did ask her about the possibility that her and Adam were the couple where she confirmed they weren’t. So with that being said I’m 98% sure they aren’t the couple but come on I’m not crazy for thinking that with all the evidence I had LMAO. It wasn’t completely unreasonable to say that they are a couple especially after the weird dynamic they have. Well either way Sheila has really grown on me and I think she’s hilarious.
I don’t want to keep saying the same thing about Jennie but I’m just waiting for that ah ha moment where we have a breakthrough of trust. I feel like we’re right on the line where all it would take is just a little mutual trust for us to get over that line and solidly a strong bond but we still aren’t there yet. I’m trying though I’m not giving up.
Sezer is more or less the same but I will admit I’m starting to lose trust in him more than gain trust. It’s not significant but it’s very slowly going down with every time we talk. I don’t like when I feel like I’m leading the conversation and I certainly don’t like being the first one to reach out all the time. He feels very similar to Pete where you think the trust is there but then you stop and think and realize the whole conversation is being directed by you. I just wish he would reach out to me and ask me my thoughts so we could compare notes. I said it to someone I forget who but it makes me feel desperate constantly going back asking him to tell me anything. That was a lot of negative but I do still trust him he hasn’t done anything outright wrong, it’s just that little thing that I wish was different.
Richard and I are still doing well. I’m starting to doubt if I’m his number one recently I’m not entirely sure. Him James and Amanda have all claimed I’m their number ones which is great but also in my head I’m like what is the probability they are all being honest. I do think Richard trusts me a lot but I think something I do may put him off from fully trusting me. I think we actually have flipped because when what seemed like to be the peak of him trusting me, at that time I wasn’t fully sure of him. Yet, now I really trust him and I don’t think he is fully sure what he thinks of me. Either way I won’t deny we still have a good relationship and I’m just hoping he doesn’t want to drop me anytime soon lmaoo.
James somewhat had a change in my heart. I think instead of my trust in him going down it’s rather plateaued. Which is honestly better than it going down. I think yesterday I just had the realization that I think james really wants to stay loyal to me as long as he can. Whether or not I am truly his number one I do think he wants to maintain that bond with me. It would be foolish of me to think about getting him out at any point right now because he’s one of the few people I can truthfully really trust. As long as he doesn’t pull any weird stunts on me I’m feeling good about James right now.
Obviously I had to save my girl Amanda for last. I’m honestly praying that Amanda reciprocates the same energy I have for her about me. Again I really trust her and I would be shocked if she didn’t, but we just have such a good bond that it wouldn’t make sense. Constantly she’s the one I bounce ideas off of and we have a good laughing dynamic. I do wish we talked more personal things but that really isn’t an issue because it feels like a normal friendship now. She’s the only person in the game who I’m not overthinking what I send to her. I think when you stop overthinking what you’re gonna send to someone that’s when you know you have an established trust in them. I don’t have enough good things to say about her truthfully. Not to mention I think she’s so fucking funny. She’s the type of person who isn’t trying to be funny, but just the way they go about themselves makes you laugh; basically their whole attitude and their persona.
Other than that my final note will be about my game right now. Current feelings are paranoid about tonight’s nominations I’m praying that all will go well. As I said earlier I think I was being obnoxious yesterday so I’m gonna turn down the heat for a little bit. I’ve been going really hard at establishing bonds that I’m just gonna chill and not try to pry. I need myself to fall more into the shadows lmao I can’t be getting nominated early on.
Did anyone notice the cryptic code that I made for my confessional lmao.
Until tonight hopefully where I make my next confessional.
You did it!! 
. My walls of text just want to be supported.