This is my eighth diary room lets get it rolling!
So last night was truly an interesting chain of events lmaoo. I feel like we need a cool name for the shit show that happened yesterday. Like you know how theres Keeshas Birthday on big brother, it could be called the mothers day fight or something like that lmfaoo. Ironically, the only mother (as I know of) in the cast was the center of all the drama! I will get into all of that in a minute but I want to make a disclaimer. I am aware that I can be paranoid but I also do not think I am paranoid for unprecedented reasons. Whenever I roast other people for being paranoid, I’m fully aware that I get extremely paranoid but I only do it when I feel like I have a reason to (especially after everything Chelsia told me last night). I also know that I can be pretty intense when I’m paranoid but I try not to be annoying with it, even if it doesn’t work. Also one more disclaimer, this confessional is going to be very text blocky so be prepared. Alright let’s get into the whole night lmao.
Heading into the POV competition, the plan was to get Chelsia out. James and I were kinda protecting her last HOH but after she talked zero game with me I was just like I am done. So when I saw that Amanda won HOH I was ecstatic and said to myself alright this is the perfect opportunity. This is not to say I started the Chelsia plan but I knew Amanda would not target her if I wanted to keep her so after I gave Amanda the green flag to do whatever she wanted, Chelsia became the target. However, I already had some issues with this HOH by the start of the round. I do not remember telling Amanda she shouldn’t win HOH but according to her I did say that and honestly that was truly how I felt because it was gonna cause a lot of attention to come to us (as it did lmao) hence why I threw the challenge. In addition, I was saying to everyone that I thought she was giving Shahbaz too much credit on wanting to work with us. Granted, I did not think he was gonna betray us this past round but I told so many people that I had a bad feeling he would not work with us and rather use his power AGAINST us.
So right off the bat I was unsure about the whole HOH and Amanda getting so much blood on her hands. However, since I felt like someone was willing to make a big move and take out Chelsia, I did not really care that much. Amanda then nominated Susie and Pete as two easy pawns which I was fine with. Susie was gonna be an easy backup plan if Chelsia fell through so at least we were taking out one big target. Continuing on, as last night was mothers day, I went out to celebrate with my immediate and extended family. It wasn’t a party or anything we just all celebrated together for a few hours so I was not active for the entirety of the nominations and the POV competition. I came on a few times to check what was going on and the first time I came on was at the start of the POV comp. I remember saying to myself that I had nothing to worry about because there was slim chance that Chelsia was going to get picked. Then, of course, the next time I checked, Chelsia was in the final round of the POV; it was at that moment I knew we were screwed.
I wasn’t completely panicked because as I mentioned earlier, if Chelsia won then Susie would have been a perfectly fine backup as well to go home. Little did I know that Chelsia winning POV was the gonna be the smallest issue of the night.
After the POV competition I came back home from mothers day and it was pretty calm. I was just checking in with everyone and seeing how they were doing. I do my usual thing where if someone wins a challenge I make an extra effort to congratulate them so I reached out to Chelsia and was like hey congrats nothing too crazy. From here though, I do not even remember what happened because next thing I know Chelsia is calling Amanda out in the chat as she found out about her backdoor plan and saying she’s a snake and a bitch.
I warned Amanda there was gonna be a fallout from Chelsia finding out a backdoor plan and here it was. I see them two going at it in the thread and then I see them going at in the public chat and Chelsia ends up blocking Amanda all together lmao. I was really feeling bad for Amanda because I am not a huge fan of confrontation myself and I could tell she was so crushed by her plan failing. She was lining up all her ducks to take out Chelsia so it sucks that it just fell through and someone ratted us all out. Right when I thought things were calming down as their fight was wrapping up, Chelsia texts me and basically calls me out.
She asked me if I knew about the plan and shit and obviously I was going to deny and say I had no idea. At first it seemed like she believed me and I thought I was sounding convincing. Then she popped out of no where that she knew about the plan since yesterday (the day before the POV) and she was trying to catch me in a lie.
I thought her execution of it though was pretty terrible because I think she assumed that once she did that I was gonna be like oh shit you caught me lmfao! I kept telling her I had no idea about the plan and I thought the main plan was Susie; always smart to cover up a lie with some minor truths sprinkled in it so it sounds more convincing. She was not buying my story though and then she starts going on about how she knew she shouldn’t trust me. She at first starts saying how I kiss Amandas ass and everyone knows it. She in addition said that I use everyone to fish for info to report back to Amanda.
First of all lmao, I have no clue how she came to that conclusion considering we had 1 vote this entire season so far. So in the event that I am kissing Amandas ass, what I would be kissing her ass for? She won no competitions before that and I never had to convince Amanda of anything. When I hear kiss ass that means trying to get in someones good graces but I have nothing to kiss Amandas ass for; which also makes me question how she even came to that conclusion because there is legitimately no evidence proving that me and Amanda are close. Then, she says how I use everyone to fish for info which is true to a point I guess but is everyone not doing that? At least I’m genuinely getting to know people and a ton of people in the cast have barely spoken game with me so what game information is there! Even when I do ask game chat I never fully want to report back to Amanda its usually for my own benefit. I have said in my diary rooms that Amanda and Richard are my number ones and usually when I ask game talk to people, it’s to see if I can trust them and we can work together. The only thing I ever report back to them is if I like them and I can see a potential alliance with them. If they say something note worthy I may mention it but they are both my allies so what does she expect! Then Chelsia said Amanda and I are a power couple and group A is abandoning ship because of us? Again, I have no idea where she is getting this idea from. The fact that she said multiple people have been saying this freaks me out beyond belief because either she’s lying or some people truly are saying that. If people are saying that, I also don’t know how people would have came to that conclusion though as I have not been in power once so how can people say we are a power couple? Not to mention this is the first time Amanda won something so people (if this is true) are making bold claims considering we have not seen 2 evictions. Chelsia was saying so many stupid comments
too like for example in an effort to get some sort of trust I was telling her who I talk to, my motivations for talking to them, and who I trust from group B (it was a way to give her bare minimum information about my game but still seem like I’m exchanging information) she had the balls to say I was not telling her any information during this conversation but she was pouring her heart out to me. Huh? Chelsia the girl who texts in 3 word answers… okay lmao. Last night was the most she ever spoke to me so it’s funny that she thinks I really owe her something.
I feel like if I was a viewer who is watching this one of the questions I would have for me is do I believe Chelsia. Short answer, no. Longer answer, I don’t believe her but the evidence she presented in regards to the people she may have sourced her information from, would make sense if she was telling the truth; let me explain. Earlier in the day James approached me asking about Shahbaz’s power that Amanda told me about. I was pretty confident everyone knew Shah had a power (just not what it is) so I said oh yeah Shah has a power I heard its powerful but I do not know the logistics of it. What I did not know is James had no idea Shah had a power and he did that to get me to admit Shah has a power without me realizing.
He then took that and instead of going to Amanda and asking her about it, his paranoid ass instead went to Shah to confront him on what it was. So when it got back to Amanda it would look as though I confessed something when I did not mean to. I bring this up because Chelsia, after I told her there was no way I was gonna believe anything she said unless she told me one name of someone who was talking shit on me, brought up how James was one of the people who told her about the backdoor or that I cant be trusted. She cant seem to get story straight because I’m not exactly sure what she was emphasizing that James told her about but apparently he told her something. Ive been suspicious of James ever since he threw that sympathy vote at Natalie completely randomly so I knew I had to ask him about it. When I asked him, a lot of what he said just seems like he was trying to do damage control with me. I have been losing trust with him already and this might’ve been the cherry on top. He is going to have to work to rebuilt that trust with me.
Overall, the rest of the conversation with Chelsia was just me lying and deflecting to get her to trust me. I really wanted to make her think that I was completely feeding into everything she was telling me. While I was definitely skeptical of everyone around me when she was telling me these things, I knew better than to fully believe it but I knew I had to feed into that. I am glad though because at the points where I was getting nervous by what she was saying, I was ready to storm into the group chat and start yelling at everybody to tell me who was saying what about me.
I ended up not because I knew better and it would paint a bigger target on me. Chelsia is feeling desperate so she will do anything to cause some sort of divide. I am not sure if she trusts me or she will keep me safe but I tried my best so all I can do is hope.
In regards to the HOH tonight this is the first time I feel genuinely really nervous.
My game feels like it exploded in one night and I feel like I got so much blood on my hands for doing absolutely nothing but talk to people lmao. With Susie still in the game and Chelsia roaming, they are the two I’m petrified are gonna win tonight. I told Chelsia I wanted Susie gone this week as a form of deflecting but I’m afraid she will take that back to Susie so if Susie finds out ill just lie and say that its because I needed to lie to Chelsia. The big question is if that will work. Also, if Chelsia wins this HOH, I am pretty positive that either James, Adam, me, or maybe even Jennie could go up on the block which is absolutely terrible. It is imperative that me or one of my allies win tonight or this could be one of my last few confessionals. I really hope this is not the end of the road for me.
Heres also a quick ranking of all my social connections of who I trust:
#1 Richard: He’s my boy I go to him with everything and we share all our information with each other. Im not sure if people know how close we are so thats reassuring and not much to say other than he’s my number one dude.
#1/#2 Amanda: I love Amanda let me start by saying that. She truly feels like a friend just like Richard but she bumped down a little just because game wise she’s very crazy and impulsive. We need to reel her in more and I want to throw the target off our backs.
#3 Jennie: Even though Jennie and I do not talk a whole lot of game, she has always been one of the girls I really appreciated in the game. We had a conversation last night that reassured a lot to me because she wanted to make an alliance with me and that told me she really wants to continue our alliance. We talked about our Chelsia conversations and compared notes and it was nice to know that I can go to this girl and I feel like theres a lot of natural trust there. Jennie in a weird way feels like a little sister, maybe we are not always talking but we have that extremely solid bond.
#4 Adam: Believe it or not I actually really have solid trust with Adam after last night. I think he’s extremely loyal and he seems to have been always super transparent with me. Especially after the way he reacted to the Amanda situation last night and being very distraught, told me how truthful he has been and it makes me feel very confident. Also the fact that Chelsia said to me that Amanda, Adam, and I are this core inner circle of group A told me that maybe Adam is someone I can trust more than I think.
#5 Sezer: While I will not go out of my way and say that I really want to work with Sezer all that much because I think he’s a little too messy when it comes to the game lmfaoo, I will not lie that I have a lot of trust in him. He clearly puts a lot of value in the Huasos alliance and that tells me that he is someone I can rely on. He probably will never get in the top 3 in my level of trust for me but Im glad he’s one of the people who I feel like is a lock on people who are loyal to me.
#6 Jen: Jen is a very similar case to Sezer in the sense that I do not really want to work with her all that much lmfao, but I really trust her. She has come to me with a lot and she seems like she really puts a lot of stake into our bond. I still am weary about her because I’m not sure if she purposely does not tell me a lot of game or she is genuinely unaware of how much is going on. Until she can prove to me that I can open up to her, I feel good knowing that she’s also a lock in terms of loyalty.
#7 Sheila: While Sheila and I do not talk a lot, I feel like she doesn’t talk to many people in general lmao. Sheila is so far under the radar that it makes me feel more comfortable with her. She’s funny, we have a good dynamic, and I think in a time when I need her she would work with me.
#7 Aisleyne: Chelsia did mention to me that she was close to Aisleyne so if you asked me last night Id probably say she dropped significantly. However, upon talking to her I feel better about Aisleyne. She is the one who brought up not liking Chelsia and shes been an advocate against Chelsia so I do not think she snitched. She could be lying but for the most part i’m gonna say I trust her.
#8 James: Honestly I could be putting James way too high or way too low I’m not sure. I already said all there is to be said about James but he could very well be the biggest snake in the game. I am not sure what direction I’m leaning but until I know he is on my side, I’m keeping my distance from him.
#9/#10 TIED Parker and Spiral: These two are in the same boat for me in the sense that they share the same amount of game information to me (barely any) yet have both exclaimed that they really trust me. I do think Parker is more threatening but honestly at this point I cant even view him as a threat because all I see is red when it comes to Chelsia and Shah and wanting them gone. I think I can use these two to my advantage more down the road but we will see.
#11 Susie: As much as I have advocated I want Susie gone, she is still not the bottom. For starters Susie is a better texter than the last two Im about to mention. She could honestly want to work with me I am not sure. I still would prefer her to get eliminated now rather than later but again I only see red with the next two so its hard to talk about seeing any other person as a threat.
#12 Shahbaz: Amanda played herself so hard I knew he couldn’t be trusted. Not a single word that has come out of his mouth is honest and he contradicts himself all the time. He is an extremely loose canon and will shoot at anyone he gets slightly pissed off by. Especially with this power that if hes being honest about, no one is safe. He has to go.
#13 Chelsia: Whats there to say that hasn’t been said. She’s an extremely dangerous competition threat and whether or not she was lying about what she told me, I know that she will do anything to get ahead. We have to cut her now, and then maybe after ill think more about what she said and who maybe snaked me.
All I will say is this, if Chelsia wins HOH tonight I will promptly self evict. That is all. Maybe this is my last diary room before my game plummets.
We will see…
